Secrets of Communication

How Communication Heals

Can Communication Heal?

Oh I’m so glad you’ve joined me today! It’s snowing so why don’t you grab a cup of something hot, pull up a chair, and let’s have a little visit about how communication changes and heals lives.

As you learned from our previous two posts that communication with God, also known as, prayer, about two men that had stomped all over my heart provided healing of those old wounds. And then face to face communication with my ex-husband smoothed away years of hurt and created a foundation for friendship.

Healing relationships, can be challenging, but can be one of the most rewarding gifts you can give yourself, the other person, and all those effected.

After that healing Thanksgiving I have learned how to truly forgive and forget. I had to let all my personal issues and hangups go. The past is truly the past.

As I allowed myself to heal, I watched Dean and Mika building a true relationship and Dean and I to grow in our friendship.

But because of that initial communication over turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, doors were being opened to something so much bigger.

August 2015

This past August that Thanksgiving communication blew some doors open that I never imagined.

But not only opened, but opened with joy, friendship, and true happiness.

We had the opportunity to meet a lovely young lady, inside and out.

Mika and Hardy had met her before. And I had met her when she was very young. But never dreamed I would get to know her as a young adult.

It’s interesting how life brings things back to us to make things right, and to make things new.

That is exactly what happened this August. My ex-husband, Dean, and his youngest daughter, Kaven, came to visit.

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed meeting Kaven and getting to visit with her.  She is delightful!   It was a wonderful visit. And a gift to my heart.

To see Mika, her Dad, her sister, and Rossi enjoying each other. Sharing. Caring. Loving each other. . . well . . . for a woman of words . . .  I have none that convey the depth of emotion it brought up in me.

It was living a dream. Witnessing something I had dreamed of from the moment Dean drove away all those years ago.

It was magic.

It was an answer to prayer.

It was healing.

It was pure joy.

And I am a better person for having experienced it.

I’m thrilled for all of them!

That’s family.

That’s love.

I have been so excited about sharing this story and these photos!  Some of you have wanted me to write all my posts quickly.  But this time it was my turn to wait. I have been waiting to write these posts since they were here! And that has been a long, hard, wait for me!

But I wanted to be able to share it during December. For Christmas. I hope this story inspires you to forgive and allow love to truly conquer all. Because it will. If you allow it.

Here are photos to prove love wins.  Family wins.  Hope, faith, and prayer really do work.

**In case you missed the previous posts in this story, or want to go back and re-read them here they are:  #1 How Listening to God Changes Us;   and #2 Communication Brings Rewarding Life Lessons

family, communication, healing, Christmas

Family! Look at that baby’s face and how she is touching her Grampa’s heart!

Grandfathers, communication, healing, Christmas

Grampa Dean and Rossi

 

communication, healing, Christmas

Aunt Kaven and Rossi

 

sisters, communication, healing, Christmas, horses

Sisters Getting Ready to Ride

family, communication, Christmas, healing

Father and daughter

family, healing, communication, Christmas

Family Photo at Mesa Verde

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Please  Have Some Communication With Me!

For those of you that have been following along, I have a BIG favor to ask. If you’re enjoying this story, or any others, please leave a comment in the section below. Even if it’s just one word! That way I know you’re reading! And please let me know if you are enjoying it!  Even if you’re not, please tell me!  Without your comments I don’t know if I’m just rambling on and simply need to shut up, or if you enjoy what I write and want me to keep going.

Also, if you have trouble posting your comment please let me know! Please send me an email to kristi@kristiross.com and I’ll help you with it.  THANK YOU!!

God Bless!  Have a wonderful day!

If you haven’t read the previous posts, I recommend you do.  It will make this on make more sense.   Here are the links:

Post #1:  How Listening to God Changes Us

Post #2: Communication Brings Rewarding Life Lessons

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communication, thanksgiving, God, Jesus

Communication Brings Rewarding Life Lessons

Communication Life Lessons – Post #2

Hello! I’m so glad you’re here! It’s really chilly today so I invite you to grab a cup of something hot, pull up a chair, and join me for a visit.

If you’re new to the blog, you’ve joined us in the midst of a story about how simple communication and trusting God can teach us  transform our lives and teach us incredible life lessons.

I encourage you to read the first post in this series by simply click here.  It will make this post make more sense!

Ok, let’s get back to our story!!

Prayer Brings Communication

From last weeks post you know that two little hand written prayer requests found their way right back to the hand that wrote them. I thought I had been so sneaky in passing them off to the Prayer Team Members! Until they landed right back in my very own pile!

But as much as I dreaded praying for the two men that had shattered my heart, those prayers released the hurt and anger in me.

It left.

It was so odd.

The best way I can describe it, is like a vapor that simply vanished.

The hurt, the heartache, the anger, the resentment.

Gone.

And Then. . .

communication, thanksgiving, God, Jesus

Two months later my daughter calls and tells me her dad is coming to her new house for Thanksgiving.

WHAT?

My own issues came screaming back.

All I could think of was he hasn’t seen you since you were 17 and suddenly he wants to come for Thanksgiving dinner! You’ve got to be kidding me! Great! Here we go again. He’s going to come and hurt her and I will have to . . . well let’s just say . . . hurt him VERY Badly.

Thank Heaven’s I did not say any of that to her. But I sure was thinking it! And a lot more that is simply not appropriate to share here!

I was ready for the fight. Because even though Mika and her Dad were trying to heal their relationship, I was stuck in the past.

I did not want to ruin my daughter’s Thanksgiving because of my own stuff.

Luckily, my sister and her husband were already planning on going to my daughter’s for the holiday. Yesssss!  They could stand by her through this and we all agreed, well, everyone but Mika, that I should just stay away.

All was going as planned. They were all having a pleasant holiday . . . until my sister announced that she and my brother-in-law had to leave after dinner and drive on to Arizona to visit my brother-in-law’s family.

Reasonable enough.  It’s a holiday and my brother-in-law would like to see his family too.

But wait! That wasn’t part of our plan! I wanted them to hang out and give Mika support.

I over-reacted, threw some clothes in a bag, turned out horses, loaded up dogs, and jumped in my car. I made the nearly 4 hour drive to Cortez in less than 3.

I turned in her driveway, and . . . there he was.

The man I had hated for years.

Standing there like he was king of the world.

I waited for it. . . the anger . . . the resentment . . . the sick feeling . . . the hurt.

But it never came.

There was literally nothing.

It was like seeing a stranger that you knew nothing about.

Bland

Then I realized it.

God had played a sneaky on ME!  He had snuck in and made me pray for this man so I would be prepared for this very moment.

I was able to greet him and say my pleasantries unaffected by all the things he had done and said over the years.

I walked right on in the house and visited with my family before my sister and brother-in-law had to leave.  Had a very pleasant visit, and a wonderful Thanksgiving afternoon.

Later that night, Dean had to “make a beer run” and asked me to go with him.  Normally I would have found any excuse in the world to not go with him, but instead I agreed.  And I’m glad I did. It gave us a few minutes of privacy to have some very deep, difficult heart to heart communication about a lot of water that had passed under our bridge. He apologized for being a, well, I’ll clean it up some, a jerk, all those years.  And I was able to tell him that I thought he should have been involved in our daughter’s life over the years, and how badly it hurt ME when he didn’t come to her wedding.

I swallowed my pride and apologized for everything I did to contribute to our dysfunctional marriage, and the years of anger and resentment that followed.

It was one of the most healing 15 minutes of my life.

We were able to let go of years of destructive behavior and lay the foundation for moving forward.

An Important Life Lesson

From that day forward Dean and I have rebuilt a friendship. Not a close friendship, but a friendship non the less. And thankfully Mika no longer has to be the referee. That’s a blessing!

Healing your relationships, no matter how you are related is the most challenging, but also one of the most rewarding gifts you can give yourself. And the other person. I haven’t asked him this, but I think Dean would agree. It’s been very healing for both of us. And Mika.

BUT, this in not the end of the story!  There’s a great deal more as a matter of fact! And trust me, it’s going to get Very interesting in the next post!!

If you haven’t SUBSCRIBED I highly suggest you do!  You don’t want to miss what’s coming up next!

Please  Have Some Communication With Me!

For those of you that have been following along, I have a BIG favor to ask. If you’re enjoying this story, or any others, please leave a comment in the section below. Even if it’s just one word! That way I know you’re reading! And please let me know if you are enjoying it!  Even if you’re not, please tell me!  Without your comments I don’t know if I’m just rambling on and simply need to shut up, or if you enjoy what I write and want me to keep going.

Also, if you have trouble posting your comment please let me know! Please send me an email to kristi@kristiross.com and I’ll help you with it.  THANK YOU!!

God Bless!  Have a wonderful day!

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heartfelt prayer, God, Jesus,

How Listening to God Changes Us

Listening to God Changes Us

If you are new to the blog, WELCOME! Thank you for joining us! I’m thrilled your here!

I would like to invite you to pull up a chair, grab a cup of something hot and yummy and let’s start a new story of growth, learning, and eventual healing!

Some things are beyond our understanding. Life lessons are learned when we aren’t looking. They catch us on the back side.

Communication Works Miracles

My family experienced healing this past summer like nothing I could have ever dreamed of.

Two families that could have never spoken, did.

Two people that could not say a kind word to each other, did.

And I am forever grateful for an experience I never dreamed possible, but am forever changed because of.

A Little History

I am divorced.

Have been for 26 years.

Just saying that makes me tired.

It’s hard work being a single mom, a single horsewoman, a single . . .

Divorce is never pleasant, but mine seemed to be particularly ugly in many ways.

At our day in court, my ex had his very pregnant girlfriend waiting in the truck as he and I sat in front of the judge and agreed there were irreparable differences and the divorce was declared.

That was actually the easy part.

Things went downhill from there. Even though he cheated on me, he hated me. And made no bones about it.

His leaving me was uneventful, but he disappeared from our daughter’s life as well.  And she loved her Daddy. But he was moving on with his new little family.

Our daughter was, is, an amazing person. She had success and struggles just like any kid. She had hurts and heartaches, joys and triumphs, and he missed every one. He didn’t even come to her wedding.

Oh boy that fired this old girl up! She deserved to have her Dad at her wedding. Even if she had asked me to walk her down the aisle. (Which I did! Talk about an honor! Sorry, I digress!) He still should have been there out of respect and love for her.

Her Dad didn’t make the wedding but he did call the next day and wished her the best. That could have been a start to a new and better relationship between them. But instead of simply leaving it at that, he decided that was the time to go off about how glad he was that now that she was married he never had to speak to me again.

My daughter was so classy about it. She let him have his diarrhea of the mouth moment, didn’t jump him, just let him finish. Then proceeded to flatly tell him never to speak ugly of me to her again.

Ever.

Needless to say communication between us was never good, and as far as I was concerned, would never happen again.

Ever.

Listening to God’s Request

After Mika’s wedding life was rockin’ and rollin’ along happy as could be. A few years later, out of the blue, that “still small voice” inside me says, “Pray for Dean and Shane”.

What?  No way!

Dean is my ex-husband, and Shane is an ex-boyfriend who stomped all over my heart not once, but twice!

As much as I wanted to, I’ve learned to not ignore that “still, small, voice” because that’s the Holy Spirit prompting me to do something. And I’ve learned from experience, arguing with God doesn’t work out well.

But this request was simply asking too much. Listening to God was the last thing I wanted to do.

These men had hurt me too deeply.

So I prayed for someone else to pray for them.

It was a grand prayer. Very heartfelt. I prayed it for a few days. And . . . then . . . stopped praying about it.

Listening to God, prayer, Jesus

A few days later, again I hear in my spirit, “Pray for them”.

I forgot my previous life lessons and flatly said, “No.”

“Pray for them.”

“I did. I prayed for someone else to pray for them.”

“Pray for them.”

Listening to God can put us in uncomfortable situations. But I knew better than to keep arguing.

So I sort of halfheartedly prayed about God leading them to someone who would pray for them and lead to them into a closer walk with the Lord.

End of it.

The next day I packed my bags and headed off, very saintly mind you, to my annual Christian Women’s retreat. A four day intense study about how to have a more intimate walk with God and Jesus.

I had volunteered to work for the Conference. My job was as a prayer warrior. We prayed all day. It was a glorious, but heavy responsibly.  We prayed for the women attending, the speakers, the facility, etc. But one of our most important jobs was praying over other attendees anonymous prayer requests.

There were little note pads and prayer request boxes on every table, in every room, in every bedroom, every bathroom, in the chapel, everywhere the women went, there was a paper and a secure box for their prayer requests. Three times a day we would gather all the little boxes and bring them to the prayer room. The Prayer Leader opened the boxes and dumped the prayer requests out onto a table in a big pile. We prayed over them as a group, and then the Prayer Leader shuffled them and handed them out one by one to the team. Our little pile of prayer requests became our responsibility to pray over the rest of our time there.

I figured that was the perfect way to get just the right person to pray for Dean and Shane. So I wrote “Please pray for Dean” on a piece of paper and put it in a little box.

Sometime later I was doing something on the other side of the facility. I found a note pad and wrote the same thing for Shane and put it in a box.

Later our Prayer Head gathered all the boxes and brought in the prayer requests for us to pray over. It was a pile at least a 10 or 12 inches tall and the same wide. There were MANY requests.

We joined together and prayed over the pile. Then our Leader shuffled them and handed them out.

Afterwards we took our handfuls of prayer requests and found a private place to pray over each request. As I unfolded my little pile of papers I gasp! Guess which two papers were in my hand.

Yep!  My own!

All my running and scheming, and there they were, right in my hand. At that point I got it that I was to pray for these two men that had hurt me so deeply.

And I did. As painful as it was, I prayed. And I prayed hard for them.

Listening to God, heartfelt prayer, God, Jesus,

All that communication with God about those men may not have affected them.

But it sure did me.

By the end of that retreat I had forgiven both of them and no longer carried the ache that had been buried deep in my heart for years. I was finally able to let it go.

God had asked me to pray for them, because He knew it would change me.

But. . . That’s not the end of the story – not by a long shot!

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Have a Great and Godly day!

And remember to trust God!

 

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change, tansformation, butterfly

Not More Change and Choices!

Things are rapidly changing. Have you noticed that? My entire life seems to be about change.

And we have so many choices for things we buy everyday it’s hard to figure out what we’re having for dinner!

According to Seth Godin there are 19,000,000 different flavors at Starbucks!

No wonder I struggle making a beverage decision! And also no wonder when I find one I like I don’t change. Am I a total oddball, or are you that way? Or are you one of those adventurous types that try a different flavor every time.

 

Here I’ve been working on my first podcast and worried about everything. What I say, how I say it, is it relevant, is it engaging. Did you know there are 17,000,000 podcasts? And a video of an interestingly unique New Jersey teen lip-sinking and doing a goofy dance to Dragostea din tei, or Numa Numa, an “oddball Rumanian song” (Seth Godin)  has, at the moment of my typing received 53,886,991 hits! That’s almost 59 million views! 59 MILLION!

You don’t believe me? Click here and check it out!

And trust me, this kid is not worried if his ideas are noteworthy, doesn’t for a moment consider his how his hair looks,  or if his makeup is ok, or worry about his lighting. He just spontaneously dances to a crazy, foreign song!

You ask me why am I telling you all this.

That’s a good question.

Because I’m going to change some things on here.

change, tansformation, butterfly

Change can be beautiful!

I’m going to stop worrying so much about what I say and how I say it.

So get ready!  There’s no telling what you may see or hear! But first, I want to hear from YOU!

What would YOU like to talk about on here?

This one sided conversation stuff ends right here!

If you are still reading, I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Right down there ↓ ↓ is the “COMMENTS” section. I NEED YOU to Please share with me your ideas. At least one, but today More is Better!

So what will it be???  More about God?  Jesus? Horses?  Dogs?  Ranch life? Moving? Cats?  Surviving as a single parent? Farming?   Rodeo? Writing??  What do YOU want to talk about??

I’m listening!

My choice, writing, blog post, listening

Hummm… What do I want?

 

 

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Ken Davis, Michael Hyatt, SCORRE, improve communication skills, Colorado, mountains, ski, ski areas, Vail, Beaver Creek, God, prayer, self improvement, speaking, fear, courage, joy, grace, bronze sculpture, Avon, horses running, horses, dog

How to Improve Communication Skills

Improve Communication Skills

Thank you for requesting more information on how to improve communication skills!   The past week at SCORRE honestly changed my life and I’m excited to share what I learned.

Living without communication can be a sad existence. My daughter’s Dachshund, Brutus, is a prefect example of life without communication.

communication skills, happy, deaf, dog

Brutus the giant

Brutus was a sweet, active, social, happy little dog. He would “sing” or howl along with you during songs and at weird noises, especially sheep “baaing”.

But in the last couple years Brutus has gone deaf. Unless you make a point of petting him, carrying him, and interacting with him physically, he will simply lie on the floor and not move. He is depressed.

Communication is vital. It conveys life through information and emotions.

We are required to communicate whether it comes from our voice, written word, signing, or body language. We all use it, and can learn to be better by applying some strategies and following a simple format.

Today we will lay the foundation according Dynamic Communicators International and their SCORRE Format for how to improve communication skills. Please ask questions in the Comments Section so we can go deeper in this!

Now I know these sound simple, but do you consciously write these down before starting to communication in whatever format? Please keep that in the forefront of your mind as you read through these.

SCORRE:

  • Subject – Before we write anything we should decide on our subject. What do we want to talk about or convey. Then we choose a “single aspect” as our Central Theme
  • Central Theme – The “Central Theme helps the speaker/writer focus on what he/she wants to talk about.”
  • Objective – “Writing an Objective forces the speaker/writer to consider the Purpose” of their communication.
  • Rational -A powerful Rational “provides the logical framework for persuasion and encouragement.”  The Rational is the road-map to lead the listener or reader to your objective.
  • Resources – Resources add “light, color, and clarity” to what you are trying to say. They “keep the listener or reader interested” and should “personalize” your points.
  • Evaluation – This step makes sure we stop, and ask ourselves, “Do I know what I’m talking about, and is it worth my listener or reader’s time?”  After we write or speak we should ask the listeners what they thought. Did they grasp what we were trying to share? Do they have questions?

I would encourage you to go back over these and think them through. They sound so simple. But in their simplicity comes power. They are transforming me, and hopefully will improve my communication skills.

Okay, this is very frightening!  I am opening myself up to public evaluation.  Please share your thoughts on this post and the information provided in the Comments Section below.

Do you see how it could help improve communication skills for you?

Now for a little fun!  Here are some of the photos from the trip!

I stopped on the ramp and took this through my window with my cell phone –

Ken Davis, Michael Hyatt, SCORRE, improve communication skills, Colorado, mountains, ski, ski areas, Vail, Beaver Creek, God, prayer, self improvement, speaking, fear, courage, joy, grace

Beaver Creek through my car window at the exit ramp

Driving into town there is a cul-de-sac right in the middle of town. I was admiring the scene and the ski area beyond me.  But notice the little shinny spot just above the red car on the lower left.

Ken Davis, Michael Hyatt, SCORRE, improve communication skills, Colorado, mountains, ski, ski areas, Vail, Beaver Creek, God, prayer, self improvement, speaking, fear, courage, joy, grace, bronze sculpture, Avon, horses running, horses, dog

Coming to the cul-de-sac in downtown Avon looking up at Beaver Creek

 

When I looked up at that cul-de-sac and saw this I literally gasped!

Ken Davis, Michael Hyatt, SCORRE, improve communication skills, Colorado, mountains, ski, ski areas, Vail, Beaver Creek, God, prayer, self improvement, speaking, fear, courage, joy, grace, bronze sculpture, Avon, horses running, horses, dog

Bronze Horses in the center of Avon!

And one more for today – A view from the Beaver Creek Golf Course

Beaver Creek Golf Course

So, any comments?  Or hopefully any questions on how to improve communication skills??

 

If you enjoyed this, or any other post, I would encourage you to click the “SUBSCRIBE” button on the top or side menu bar so you never miss a post!  Thank you and God Bless!

Copyright © 2013 Kristi Ross, All rights reserved.

 

 

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fear, confusion, communication, God, prayer, confidence

What Communication Secrets Could Be?

Communication Secrets

Those of you that know me, or follow me on Facebook, know last week, I was VERY nervous about attending the SCORRE Conference and learning more about public speaking and communication secrets.

If you happened to hear me talk about it at church, you realize I was honestly terrified about going. But God had opened the door, and I learned many years ago that when He says “Go”, you better do it!

Normally, public speaking is as natural as breathing for me. And learning communication secrets  is a deep, burning desire. But this situation was completely different. I felt like I was running into a rock wall, about to smash my head, and was terrified!

communication secrets, fear, confusion, communication, God, prayer, confidence

Sheer Terror!

There were many reasons I was worried:

  1. I was going to speak in front of professionals. People that make their living speaking and writing.
  2. The trainers are very successful doing what I dream about.
  3. These people are published authors and know their stuff.
  4. I respect their knowledge, talents, and skill as communicators. I worried about saying something silly and making a total fool of myself.

Therefore, even with all my abilities, this is how I felt:

Communication secrets, communication, prayer, God, impossible, possible, joy, confidence

Pepper carrying a giant stick

That’s my Blue Heeler, Pepper, the blind one.  The stick in her mouth is longer than she is. That is how I felt as I stepped into my car for the drive to this conference.

The only difference was Pepper was confident carrying that stick around. I felt like the stick was choking me!

Finally, I said this prayer, “Father, if this is not of you, please let it be that something stops me from going. Protect me and keep me safe, but stop me from getting out of town.”

Because if this was something “I” wanted, I no longer wanted it! If it was not HIS will for me, I was running away from it as fast, and as far as I could!

Well, no car break-downs came, no animal emergencies, the weather turned bad, but certainly not bad enough to stop me. Then, at that last minute, I found out I would not be able to use Pepper as a “prop” in my first speech. As I was getting ready to drive out of town I had to decide if I was going to take her, or leave her. Still not enough to stop me, only enough to fluster me just a bit more!

I took her. She was great therapy. Nothing like petting a pet to sooth the nerves.

The moment I arrived at the hotel we hit the ground running! None of that, settle in your room and we’ll start tomorrow. No, it was, “Hurry up and eat your dinner because we have work to do folks!”

So, are you interested? Would you like to see incredible photos and hear what we learned about communication secrets?

What do ya think??

I will share if you want me to.  Fair enough?

Please, if you are interested in learning about communication secrets let me know in the comments section below!

If there are no comments I won’t bore you with the secrets of communication or any other details of my trip.

Thanks all!  Sure hope I hear from you, cause Ooooo I wanna share!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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