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Responsibility, I Let You Down

Responsibility

Have you ever had a come-upance? That’s where someone calls you on your “stuff” and you have to acknowledge they are right. Then you are faced with either dealing with your “stuff”, or ignoring it.

That happened to me today.

My daughter gave me a come-upance on my blogging during and following the move. Essentially, she said I had shirked my responsibility to be real with my readers during a very difficult time.

She was right.

I have.

I used the excuse of not having internet to not sit down and share what I was going through. Well, that ends right here. And I apologize. I will never leave you out of what is happening ever again. I have a responsibility to be open and honest if you are to ever really trust me.

Time To Tell The Truth

In reality I think I didn’t write because I was struggling so hard trying to keep it together. I couldn’t write. It would have been too painful. I would have actually had to look at my situation rather than just try to survive it.

I was a wreck.

I thought I covered it up pretty well, but I was drowning. I did in two weeks what should have taken me a month. Then every weekend I was driving back trying to finish in two days what should have taken two weeks. I would rush home, work myself literally to tears, and bloody fingers, then drive back to Cortez so I could be at work Monday morning all smiles, cool, calm, and collected. Trying to make a good impression and let them know the job was important to me.

But it was all a front. Inside I was falling totally apart. I didn’t want to seem weak. But in reality I have never been more afraid or weaker. I felt totally lost. Still do. I left every scrap of security I have fought my entire life for, threw it to the wind, jumped in my truck and drove away to live in a rented house, and work for total strangers, at a job I didn’t know if I could do.

Talk about losing your base. I had nothing. And frankly, there are still times where I feel like I will never have the wind back in my sails. And I swear I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just being totally, utterly, honest.

Responsibility to Be Brutally Honest

After writing those previous words, now I know for certain the reason I couldn’t write this before. I’m crying like a baby as I write it, now.  I can only imagine what a wreck I would have been if I would have tried to write it while I was floundering so badly. As I look at it now all I see are “I’s” and I feel like I’m whining. I don’t whine, I don’t complain, I shoulder into whatever the situation is and go do what needs to be done.

Vulnerable isn’t in my vocabulary.

Weak isn’t either.

But in the past three months I’ve been both, many times. Most times.

Heck, I am right now.

I’m as vulnerable as I ever get. I’m spilling my guts to you. Writing my heartache on a sheet of white paper for your review, reflection, and comments. And frankly that terrifies me as well. I know I have to reestablish your trust in me. But I’m terrified I won’t be able to win you back.

If I have no readers, then I truly have nothing to say that really matters.

That is terrifying.

So there you have it.

I have no ideas or suggestions today. No witty words. No novel thoughts. I only have raw, open truth.

Responsibility to Rebuild

During this move I faced leaving behind family and friends that I have worked many years to build solid relationships with. Women of value and strength of character. And a small circle of men I could trust. That’s a very hard thing for a single woman to do. And now, I have left them all. And I’m out of my element here. Every time I turn around it seems I need help. How I hate being needy. That is not a characteristic I want. Ever.

I have lived my life being strong. Courageous. Independent. 

I feel bad for my daughter and son-in-law. I’m sure they feel I’m a burden. I don’t ever want to be a burden. To anyone. Ever. 

The funny thing is I’ve lived in other places, Texas, Oklahoma, eastern Colorado so moving is not the root of my issues. It is leaving the solid personal foundation I’ve build over my entire lifetime. Striving to be a better person, surrounded by people I loved, in a community that I cared very deeply about.

And now I’m a stranger. On the outside looking in.

That is such an empty feeling.

But like I always say, feelings are fleeting. Mine are no different than the next person’s. My feelings will change. I will be strong again. Someday.

I have no doubt God brought me here. That’s what I’ve clung to through all this. That, and my daughter, son-in-law, and coming Grandchild.

I Will Be Strong Again.

I am a survivor. I will make it through this. And it will happen before that baby arrives. I am determined to be putting roots in the ground again and getting my footing by then. Each day I feel myself growing a bit stronger.

Funny how walking back through all of this with you just now took me right back to my most vulnerable weaknesses. But in writing it, I had to face them. My weaknesses and vulnerabilities. And by doing that, now I see I really am going through this. I’m not stuck!  I’m moving through it and am already stronger.

Facing my fears has taken away their strength to control me.

Have any of you ever faced a time of weakness and vulnerability that you would like to share? It might do the same thing for you that it has for me. Looking at our fears takes their power away. Then we can address them rather than continue to run from them. 

If you want to share here, in the comments section, that would be great. If you prefer a more personal interaction, please feel free to email me at kristi@kristiross.com.  We can talk there if you prefer.

Thank you and God Bless you!

Thank you Mika. I love you!

 

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YOU have my heart!

 

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TRUTH

 

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Stepping Into The Light of A New Beginning!

Copyright © 2014 Kristi Ross, All rights reserved.
Our mailing address is:  Kristi Ross, PO Box 133, Hotchkiss, CO 81419

 

 

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Unconditional Love Dogs Give Lives Beyond Death

Unconditional Love

What really is unconditional love? Have you ever considered that? What constitutes unconditional love and where do we go to find it? I see it every day in so many forms. My constant source is God and His precious son, Jesus. But His creatures give it to me as well.

The outpouring of emotions readers shared this week on my Facebook Author page when I posted the story about Capitan, the dog that found his masters grave and stayed by it for seven years, touched me so deeply it made me pause and consider that depth of devotion. That kind of unconditional love.

It’s our deepest desire. To be loved unconditionally. To be treasured, cherished. But like so many of us, I’m a casualty of love. Twenty five years single has proven that. Thankfully, those long years have taught me just how wonderful God’s love is, and how healing His animals can be for the human heart.

Dogs Love Us

My horses love me, but I’m not sure it’s unconditional love. Unlike our dogs. There is no doubt in my mind that they love us unconditionally.

I see it every time I look at my own blue heeler, Pepper. Her unconditional love for me is evident every moment she’s near me. There are times she drives me nuts because she wants to touch me. But that is her way of knowing where I am, now that she’s blind.

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Miss Pepper

Even when I’m not around. My friend Lark  says she stays in my bedroom, usually on my bed, and waits for me to come home.

I accidentally ran over her head and popped her eyes out causing her to go blind but she still sees me as the center of her universe.

She is an inspiration to me everyday. She faces life not as handicapped and blind, but cheerfully, and as excited as a child. She’s happy to get up, go outside, run across the pasture with me, even when she goes to fast and runs into something. She is happy to be alive, and with me.

She would rather wait hours in the car for me than sit at home alone. She truly gives me unconditionally love!

But she is not alone in that unconditional love. After finding out about Capitan, the dog in Argentina that has sat by his master’s grave for 7 years, and tracking down the original story and his real photos of this beloved pet,

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Capitan ran away from home and has sat by his master’s grave for 7 years. (Story and photo credit La Voz Del Interior)

I found many similar stories.  Here are just a few with links to the original stories.

Kirby

Little Kirby is another dog whose unconditional love for his owner carried him miles away from every adopted home, back to his owner’s grave. Sharon Ratteree inherited Kirby when her daughter was killed only two weeks after adopting him. Kirby filled the gaping hole in Sharon’s heart after the tragic loss. But it seemed no one could fill the hole in Kirby’s heart after Sharon died. He found an escape from every enclosure, at every new home, and would make the trek back, no matter how far he had to travel.

The good news is he has finally found a home with another local resident Susan Wood. Susan saw Kirby’s story in the news and contacted Dave Willis, Sharon’s Grandson, who decided that Susan would be a perfect match for the heartbroken dog. Kirby now fills a void in her heart, after her own 18 year-old terrier died in 2007. “I had a big old empty spot, so the Wills’ family made it possible for Kirby to jump into that spot and take over,” said Susan. This little dog filled a new gaping hole, and is once again a happy dog.

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Kirby’s Mom’s Grave

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ciccio

In Italy, Ciccio walked to Mass every afternoon when the bells tolled with his Maria,  until she suddenly died. He followed her casket and attended her funeral at the same  church. But he kept coming back. Everyday when the bells tolled.  Now he lives at the church and attends every mass sitting at the front, where her casket laid, waiting faithfully for his master to return.   He has so touched the locals they have a Facebook page for him. I hope you will follow the link and “Like” it. His devotion is too great to ignore.

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Ciccio, still mourning at mass

Hawkeye

Many of us cried in 2011 when the news carried the touching photos of the loyal Hawkeye, at the funeral of his beloved Petty Officer 1st Class, Jon T. Tumilson. Tumilson, a U.S. Navy SEAL,  was among 30 American troops killed August 6 when Taliban insurgents shot down their Chinook helicopter with a rocket-propelled grenade. At his funeral in Iowa, Hawkeye paid his last respects by walking up to the casket, laying down in front of it, and heaving a sigh. Tumilson’s cousin, Lisa Pembleton, took the photo for family members that could not be at the funeral and for others that could not see the dog’s actions.  It has touched the hearts of all of us. We salute this brave soldier, and his incredible dog.

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Hawkeye     (Photo Credit Lisa Pembleton)

Cat’s too

Apparently even finicky felines are devoted and have unconditional love for us.  Another Italian pet, Toldo, a gray tabby, followed his beloved master’s, Iozzelli Renzo, casket from their house to the cemetery.

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Toldo (Photo Credit Corriere Fiorentino )

He returned later the same day with Iozzelli’s widow, Ada to the grave. The next day Ada and her daughter found a sprig of acacia on the grave. Ada believes it was the cat’s first gift to his beloved master. Since then the cat has delivered everything from small flowers and twigs to plastic cups and paper towels to the grave. He safely travels back and forth because everyone in the small mountain town knows the cat and where he is headed, though not everyone is happy about it. Ada said some people think having an animal in the cemetery is a desecration.  But the cat doesn’t seem to care, he just keeps sharing his unconditional love.

Link to More

I could go on and on, but instead I will give you this link to read about several more amazingly devoted pets. I hope you take a few extra moments to love your pets today. You obviously mean more to them than you have any idea.

God Bless you all during this especially Holy Week.

Copyright © 2013 Kristi Ross, All rights reserved.
Our mailing address is:  Kristi Ross, PO Box 133, Hotchkiss, CO 81419

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Simple Steps Say I Miss You!

How to say I miss you

Oh my goodness I can hardly believe I’m finally able to talk to you! I miss you something terrible! I finally have internet at my new place and am able to communicate! If you would have asked me 10 months ago if I would miss blogging I would have told you you were crazy! That’s right, just 10 short months ago I had no idea what a blog was let alone how to do it! But now, having to miss a couple months of talking with you has been killing me!

What is missing someone like?

I love this quote, and it is so fitting, “It feels intense and the worst part is that you feel completely out of control because there isn’t a whole lot that you can do about it” Nitika Chopra. That describes how I felt during this absence.

Where Have You Been?

So much has happened in two short months that I have wanted to share with you but with no internet, it was impossible. A month ago I went to town and used the free internet at a coffee shop but then was warned about how vulnerable that made my computer so I didn’t do that again. Instead I waited . . . and waited . . .  and waited! And I MISS YOU! I look forward to sharing all the amazing things that have happened with you. And even more, I look forward to your comments. Your comments make my day! To know you are out there reading my thoughts and are moved enough to talk with me about them is the most amazing thing. We may not be talking face to face, but I still feel like I’m talking with you when you comment back to me! I love your take on life. Your input on my thoughts. Even the times when you call me on something. What a wonderful means of communication and I value you and what you share with me. Thank you for honoring me with that. I have really missed interacting with you.

Six Simple Steps to Say I Miss You

So how do you show or tell someone you miss them? There are far too many ideas to cover all of them but here is the list I put together to tell YOU how much I Miss You!

  1. Tell them! Tell them you miss them and mean it.  So . . . I miss you. I have really, really missed you!
  2. Show them you miss them. Bring a gift the next time you see them or talk to them. So here is my gift to you! They represent what I would like to give each one of you! My roses for you! how to tell someone I miss you, joy, happiness, excited, God, love, family, communication, Colorado, mountains, cowboy, cowgirl, horses, cattle, roses
  3. Write them something to show you miss them – – I think you’re reading my example
  4. Work hard to show them you value them – – I hope I’m doing that right now as well.
  5. Thank them for being the kind of person, or people that makes you value them and miss them – – Thank you, each one of you for being that kind of person. I treasure you and I miss you when I can’t communicate with you.
  6. Show them your heart.  Honestly, I hope I am able to convey through these words had deeply I care about you. I feel like you are my extended family.

Treasure

I treasure each one of you. Thank you for honoring me with your time, friendship, and readership. Thank you for sticking with me during my move and long absence!

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You have my heart!

I am already looking forward to my next post! I’ll be missing you till then!

Copyright © 2013 Kristi Ross, All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: Kristi Ross, PO Box 133, Hotchkiss, CO 81419

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